As difficult as it is to believe now, a few weeks ago I was half way around the world, river rafting on the Seti River in Nepal. This was an adventure my husband had dreamed of for years. So he made it happen.
As we drifted down the river chanting “Om Mani Padme Hum”, our new friend Augie Troncale reminded us that it was time to put our oars in the water. In this situation we weren’t going to get very far without paddling, but how might this work when you aren’t on a body of water? When do you recognize it’s time to get your oar in the water?
It seems there are times in life when we aren’t giving full effort. We are drifting, letting life take us where it might and going through the motions. Often we get in a familiar rhythm of going to work during the week and on weekends doing chores, recuperating, and maybe having some fun.
How do we know if we are satisfied with our existing lifestyle? What gives us a clue as to how well our life is fitting our dreams or expectations? We may be cautious and afraid of looking too closely at what’s going on. We may become concerned with what we see and not know what to do about it. Or not be ready to make a change.
The risk of not looking too closely or evaluating how we are living our lives is that we may get widely off course. We may end up living someone else’s life: a life that has been prescribed by our family, society, or friends/colleagues. It could become a life that no longer looks like it belongs to us. We may end up asking, “How did I get in this mess?”
What are the signs that you are way off track? Do you feel it in your body with aches, pains and fatigue? Do you feel it in your heart with a lack of commitment or excitement? If you are honest with yourself, you know when you are really off course. Surely it’s common not to have 100% of what you want in your life. But sometimes there comes a tipping point, when you know change is necessary.
Something significant is missing. If you ask yourself what it is, you may find it involves your relationships, or your work, or your place in the world. Often in midlife people take a breath from the rush of responsibilities and look around. When they look around, they see one or more pieces missing. It could be adventure, new opportunities, excitement, challenges, risk, or meaning. Or you could look around and see things you want to get rid of. These could be stress, deadlines, overwork, boredom, or confusion.
These kinds of turning points may have come before and you may have experience navigating them. Or this could feel different…like all of a sudden you don’t know who you are or where you want to go next. That uncertainty can be scary and exciting at the same time. One reaction is to put the genie back in the bottle. But if you do that, what is the consequence? Will things improve on their own or will they have to get worse in order to get your attention?
One thing I know is that self assessment is easier if not done alone. You are not the first person to be ready for a change. If you speak up, you’ll find there are many others in your situation. But often we stay quiet and try to muddle through alone.
What I learned on that river is that we needed a Captain to guide us and also several people with oars in the water. We all pulled together and arrived at our destination. It was enjoyable and a joint accomplishment. We felt supported and grateful that we worked as a team.
So here are some steps you can take right now:
Do a personal check in
Ask, how well is my current life fitting?
What needs some adjustment?
If nothing changes, what will I lose?
Where can I start?
Who can I share this with?
When do I want to get my oar in the water?
Happy journeys and I’ll see you on the path.
