People remark, I’m not sure I can do it. How do I build confidence so I can approach my goals? Perhaps it’s easier to believe you don’t have the right stuff to accomplish something. You are different than other people. It’s easier for them. They can talk, step up, figure things out. You can’t. They aren’t afraid. You didn’t inherit those confident genes. Your family didn’t encourage you, or teach you, or serve as a model.
Is it possible this is all an excuse? Reasons not to try, not push yourself? To stay stuck in a familiar but uncomfortable state? What does it take to believe in yourself?
Change and growth are possible. I know you’ve already experienced them. The next path may be long, it may be rocky, it may be harder than you thought. But it is possible. What is needed to take that step?
The vision of a better life can absolutely overpower the fear of taking a risk and changing. You may be miserable in your career. But rather than focus on that pain, how would it be to focus on the alternative…the life you desire? It’s like walking toward the light versus running from the dark. We need pain to get our attention, but the danger is getting stuck in that pain. Pain doesn’t necessarily propel us forward. Vision does.
If we make the vision manageable and attainable not a mountain to climb, it’s likely we’ll take a shot. So chunking the steps down into reasonable size makes us feel capable. Make the step just a little outside your reach so you think, hey I can do this. It’s like climbing or swimming. Conquer a small distance, look back, applaud, and look ahead again.
We all have something we’re good or even great at. We may not recognize it as our gift because it comes so easily. Robert, for example, can fix anything. He started taking things apart as a young boy. He had no fear and kept at it until he found the answer. Margaret, on the other hand, has a fantastic voice. She sings constantly as she goes through the day and has never had lessons.
By recognizing our gifts and talents, we can build a Mastery List. On it may go skills we’ve developed like public speaking, writing or tech savy or gifts we’ve inherited. Having a personal/professional Mastery List helps us in times of uncertainty. When we question our abilities to take on something new, a foundation of strengths and successes can bolster our confidence.
You’ve all heard “don’t rest on your laurels”. In order not to be stagnant we need to stay in motion. Try new things. Risk taking is a tool that leads us onto new paths. Feel the fear and keep going. Take a leap into the unknown, the uncomfortable. James had never been out of the country. He liked being familiar with his surroundings and speaking his own language. However, his boss asked James to accompany him on a business trip to Asia. The boss was showing confidence in James and requested his expertise.
James questioned his ability to function so far from home in a new culture. But he took a deep breath and decided to try something very much out of his comfort zone. The result was a bonus from his boss and a new project where James will share his skills with others. James is intrigued, honored, and excited with this new opportunity. And he found he loves the people and food of Thailand.
“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
Building your confidence tool box:
Create your Mastery List
Applaud your gifts
Design a vision tied to your interests/passions
Take a calculated risk
Chunk down your first step until it’s manageable
Keep your eyes ahead and see you on the path!
