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your guiding star: creating principles to live by

April 23, 2015 by

Sunset/sunrise above the Earth on a starless sky.

Sometimes you feel lost, directionless, confused. It can happen in your work life, your personal life, or your family life. It’s as if all you believed in and counted on has changed. Bethany felt that jolt when her husband wanted a divorce. Owen fell into a tailspin when he was laid off.

Think of times when you lost your way. Perhaps it was due to external circumstances or instead a deep change within. What follows is a sense of unease and questioning. You wonder: what happens next? Where will I go? What do I want? This state of instability can occur quickly or creep up on you.

Expecting life to be smooth and predictable is futile. As living organisms, change is constant. Nothing in your life, outside or inside, will stay the same. If it did, you probably would stagnate and become dissatisfied.

“The important thing to know is that life will always deal us a few bad cards, but we have to play those cards the best we can. And we can play to win. This was one lesson I picked up when I was a teenager. It has been my guiding principle ever since. When I wanted something, the best person to depend on was myself”

John Gokongwei

Some things in life are changed for you and some you change yourself. By making thoughtful decisions and choices, you increase your chances of creating a life that is satisfying. But what aids you in making the appropriate decisions? You can ask for the opinions of others, gather information, and hire experts. But how do you know you’re heading in the right direction?

Eons ago our ancestors relied on the North Star to guide them and to guard against becoming lost. Currently we have technology to blaze our paths, but our confusion comes more from the lack of an internal compass. Many fail to ask the one who is most “expert” in what will work…oneself.

Instead of a North Star to point you in the next direction, you can establish guiding principles to shape your actions. Guiding principles are rules that influence the suitability of your actions. They are highly personal. Based on your values, self-awareness, and lessons learned, your guiding principles become the North Star you can consult. When faced with a dilemma or change, you have criteria to determine your precise direction/orientation. Without personal guiding principles you can become adrift in the life you design.

Just as companies and corporations outline their principles, individuals require them to stay on a steady path. Individuals uncover their guiding principles through self examination. Principles are ever evolving. As we grow and experience, they show up as guideposts for work, family, and personal life and demand effort to create.

Melanie is at a crossroad in her career. She studied biology and pursued a degree in research so she could work in a laboratory. After ten years on the job, she is dissatisfied. Rules and regulations interfere with desired discoveries. Melanie lacks the reward of seeing the results of her efforts. Instead, Melanie feels depleted of energy and frustrated.

What Melanie knows about herself is that she requires certain elements in order to be engaged. These include: connecting with people, teaching others, and making a contribution. Using these uncovered principles, Melanie decides that becoming a high school biology teacher would more meet her needs.

Knowing what guides her purpose and passions, allows Melanie to find a new direction that is a better fit. If she fails to heed these guidelines, Melanie will fall into greater disinterest and despair.

As I meet with others, I often hear their guiding principles: learn and grow, be in nature, connect with others, be happy, share your voice, be creative and active.

While you create opportunities to express your guiding principles in your career, you can also practice them in your personal life. The more you utilize your values and guiding principles, the more authentic and satisfying your life will become.

Steps to take now:

Review your lessons learned
Outline your guiding principles
Employ them whenever you can
Review periodically
Savor the results

Full speed ahead and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

wait don’t tell me, figuring it out yourself

March 31, 2015 by

Some of you may listen to the NPR Quiz Show, “Wait, wait don’t tell me”, or have been in that frustrating state of trying to remember or do something and imploring someone, “Wait, don’t tell me”… Along with the desire to come up with the answer independently, is the satisfaction of figuring it out on your own.

This past week I encountered that situation. Every year I participate in a psychotherapy conference in Washington DC. In addition to clinical courses, creative arts workshops are offered to allow us to grow by getting out of our heads and using our bodies. I chose the Clay class.

I’ve always admired and collected ceramics and wondered how it would be to create a clay piece. Our instructor gave us tools, clay, brief demos, colleagues for support, and permission to play. It was heaven manipulating the clay and seeing what emerged. We worked on small tables of 5, all creating unique projects.

After watching people throw pots on a wheel, I was intrigued to try it myself. Maybe this could become a hobby for me and I would become good at it. In addition to supporting artists, I could become one and share my gifts with others… To be honest, I wasn’t dreaming that far afield. I was just curious to try something new.

Another student centered a blob of clay on my wheel and then it was me alone with the clay. Being mindful of the instructor’s demonstration, I started the wheel and touched the cold clay.

I didn’t really know what I was doing, but took my cue from the clay. When it felt dry and my hands couldn’t shape it, I would add water. When it seemed off center, I gently moved it back into equilibrium. It felt like the moving wheel and clay were in charge and I was a minor onlooker. This was fun.

No one was there telling me how to do it. At times I thought, “I need to ask for help, I need to find the correct way to do this”. But just as quickly as that urge arose, I responded with “Wait, see if you can figure it out on your own”. I liked that freedom and risk taking.

I doubted something huge could go wrong. At one point I drew out a thin lip of the pot. It looked cool and then, in a flash it flew off the wheel. Oh well, that was ok. I just started over. No biggie.

“We cannot teach people anything, we can only help them discover it within themselves”

Galileo

What were my take aways from that day with clay? I enjoyed the hand building and wheel working experiences. I felt relaxed expressing myself with my hands. And felt positive that clay is something I’d like to try again. I challenged those early childhood messages, “You don’t have talent”, by simply investigating an interest.

Why not pursue something new and different that exposes you to unique experiences? Why not stretch yourself?

What does playing with clay have to do with Career Transitions? Getting curious about an alternate career field or job happens when people are ready for a change. That urge to shake things up and immerse yourself in another environment represents a voice calling you. You’ve heard it.

Sometimes you ignore the call because you can’t attend to it right away. Sometimes it gets so loud or falls in your lap that you just have to take it on. Sometimes you give yourself permission to take a peek.

Just like in clay class, you need some orientation, some tools, some encouragement and even some fellow seekers to support you. You may charge ahead with purpose or feel lost and want some direction.

Based on my experience, I encourage you to make times when you follow your heart, investigate interests, avoid asking for the answer first and envelop yourself in the multiple possibilities.

Steps to get started:

Ask what’s calling you
Find a way to experience it
Engage your head and body
What are the lessons?
Decide what’s next

Happy Trails and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

career year end review: wins and lessons

December 29, 2014 by

Sonnenuntergang in den Bergen
It’s common to make New Year resolutions at this time, but how many of you review the year you are exiting? Especially in work life, whether you work for yourself or others, you can learn lessons to guide your progress and growth.

If you were to close your eyes and scan over the past 12 months, what stands out? Is it that fantastic trip you took, or precious time spent with friends and family, or does something work-related make you smile?

Most of us need to work to earn a living, but what else does your career bring you? What are the meaningful parts of your role? What keeps you engaged? What demonstrates that your efforts matter?

Lisa works in the healing arts and is reminded that her hard work matters when clients praise the positive results of her efforts. Harry, a musician, is motivated to continue long hours of practice when audiences cheer and return to experience his superb performances. Tony feels recognized when his boss salutes him in meetings and hands over more authority.

While exterior validation feels yummy, what are you hearing inside yourself? What’s going well from your perspective? How do you measure success in your work? Is it quantitative, objective, or emotional? By making yearly career goals it is possible to evaluate your progress. This can be the year to begin a structured process to know where you are:

1. List your most important career Wins of the last year. For example, these could be advancements in pay or responsibility, completion of projects, or advanced skill development. Karen was asked to take on new responsibilities when a co-worder suddenly left. While she felt unprepared to carry out unfamiliar duties, Karen jumped in. She grew new skills by working with a mentor as well as taking an online course. Now Karen is amazed and proud of what she can do.

2. Make note of those times when you are in Flow: you are so immersed that time flies by. Analyze the pattern of those times. Are you working with a team, creating something unique, or using a skill you are very comfortable with? Marty finds whenever he is thinking outside the box, he is extremely satisfied and excited.

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life”

Jean Shinoda Bolen

3. List your Lessons learned: those things you love to do, those you’d rather avoid, your system for finding solutions. Sarah realizes she is better having great independence than being micro-managed. Often failures while painful, can teach us a great deal. Bob took a risk with a friend to start a new business. They were matched in their talents and ended up competing in decision making because they lacked complementary skills.

4. Appreciate all the Skills you have used as well as new ones gained. Imagine how these skills can be transferable. Marion is a great cheer leader for her team. She can translate those skills into leadership and management opportunities.

5. What Risks paid off the most this year? Stretching out of your box and doing something new lead to growth. Which one of these risks reaped returns? Was the “pain” worth the “gain”?

6. List the new Relationships you have made and how you want to prosper from their existence. Bob joined the Board of a non-profit and is meeting professionals outside of his field. It is bringing an infusion of viewpoints and personalities that spice up his life.

Once you have an overview of this year’s work, it’s time to look ahead. What do you want for yourself in the future? Set your intentions. Where do you want to be? Is it staying where you are, moving to a new role in the same organization, or is it time to move out? People put off making changes waiting for the planets to align, but the reality is that nothing will be perfectly timed for a change. You can make the change now on your terms or have change happen to you without your input.

“Life has no smooth road for any of us and in the bracing atmosphere of a high aim the very roughness stimulates the climber to steadier steps, till the legend, over steep ways to the stars, fulfills itself”

WC Doane

Whatever you decide, it helps to have an accountability partner to brainstorm goals, steps, and review progress. Whether this partner is a peer, a colleague, or a professional coach matters less than the act of committing to a regular process.

So look back before you look ahead:

Make sense of this year
Write your “take aways”
Keep what you like
Discard the rest
Take a new step forward

Be bold and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , , ,

patience leads to uncovering: finding work that fits

July 29, 2014 by

hourglass in sand

Ever want something to happen yesterday? Can’t wait until you leave a painful, current state to something better? This often occurs regarding health challenges and work issues.  But just like we cannot push our bodies into health, we cannot drop into the perfect work.

Some people I meet want to change jobs, but there is not much urgency, just a dull ache. Others need it to happen now. Maybe they were laid off or their financial welfare is in jeopardy. They want a solution fast and yet how can that occur?

It’s an uncomfortable place to be in when your life feels out of control. There’s a quickening of your heartbeat, a shortness of breath, a looming dread. You aren’t at your best, but it’s often a time when you have to make important decisions.

Yvonne was in a job she disliked and wanted to change. But it was easier to go along with the familiar than stop and look for something better. As often happens, life took action without Yvonne. Her company was sold and half the employees were laid off, including Yvonne. While she received some severance, Yvonne was in a panic. She hadn’t looked for a job in 15 years and didn’t know where to start. She knew what she didn’t want, but wasn’t sure what was possible for her. The work world seemed unfamiliar and the application process she remembered had disappeared.

People may say, enjoy your “time off”, take a trip, don’t jump back into the 9-5 just yet. But most of us want the assurance that everything will be ok. That we will land with a better situation or at least an equivalent one financially. We still need to put kids through college, or contribute to our retirement funds, or pay off the mortgage. How can we rest now?

Yvonne was lost at first. She looked in the newspaper want ads; she looked online; she talked to some people. She really didn’t have a clear vision of what she was seeking. Just a good job that paid a satisfactory salary.

But, what if this was an opportunity? What if this was a gift of space for Yvonne to consider who she wanted to become next? Often we are so busy taking care of business, we lack time to dream. When I retired from my first career, my co-workers remarked I was so lucky. I asked why they didn’t leave and they said they didn’t know what to do next. Well, the hard truth is you have to figure it out. 

Few people know exactly who they want to become when they begin college. They reach a solution through exploration, investigation, trial and error. Same thing happens when we are older and face a transition. It’s up to us to design our next step. No one can do it for you.

“The best teachers have showed me that things have to be done bit by bit. Nothing that means anything happens quickly–we only think it does. The motion of drawing back a bow and sending an arrow straight into a target takes only a split second, but it is a skill many years in the making. So it is with a life, anyone’s life…”

Joseph Bruchac

So Yvonne is at a crossroad. She can’t go back and to go forward requires some introspection. People change over time. The person Yvonne was 15 years ago is different than who she is today. Her interests, values, priorities, even strengths are slightly or greatly changed. Life has influenced Yvonne with her realization or not. She may have to take some time to get in touch with the current woman she is and then visualize the woman she hopes to become.

Many people I meet say they want to make a contribution by working at something they believe in. Money is necessary to support our lifestyles, but it may not be the driver it was when you were younger. Your priorities change with maturity, differing responsibilities, and with experience. You may not be sure what will bring satisfaction, but you can know what you want to leave behind. Life experiences bring life lessons to use in a new design.

So what can you do when you are at a crossroad?

Take a breath, look at what’s important to you
Explore alternative ways to work
Find role models and shadow them
Dip your toe in, see how it feels
Look ahead, not back

Happy traveling and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

turning points: events that change your life

May 15, 2014 by

Sign post

Ever wonder what influences you to change direction after being on a steady path? Sometimes it’s your deliberate act and other times it’s more unanticipated. You go along in life taking care of business, often operating on auto pilot and wham, something hits you over the head. Maybe it’s a break up, a new boss, you get sick, or your last child leaves home. But something happens to get your attention.

Then the questions start flowing: Why am I here? What am I doing? Am I happy? What do I want? You begin to question everything that is familiar. You wonder what would happen if you changed direction. An opening beckons. 

Molly worked hard for 15 years climbing the ladder in her company. She was successful and engaged at work. The only things missing were a partner and children, or so she thought. Then Molly met Howard. He was someone who shared many interests. They began to spend time together and Molly’s life outside of work became rich and full.

Both Molly and Howard are committed professionals in their fields and yet something else began calling them. They talked of living overseas and helping those in need. Their meeting changed the plans they had previously designed. Together they created a new vision, which they are carrying out together.

Have you ever met someone who changed your life? Maybe it was a teacher, or a classmate/colleague, or a new friend. But you know that person touched your life in a way that changed it forever. Maybe they introduced you to something new or their presence stimulated you to think in creative ways and take risks. One benefit of interacting with new people is an infusion of innovative ideas and possibilities.

Ingie was frustrated in her job. During two years, her efforts to gain greater responsibility were stymied. She watched others get promoted who were less skilled than she. She questioned what she was missing and how long she should wait. Then Ingie met Sharon at a networking event. They shared some professional interests and held a captivating conversation. When Ingie took Sharon’s card, she noticed she was a manager. She decided to contact Sharon and set up an informational interview which eventually led to a job offer for Ingie. She made the move and is now working at a level more aligned with her skills and passions. Ingie is thrilled.

Sometimes it takes a significant loss to get our attention and lead us to a turning point. It can be a lost relationship, a health scare, a death of someone close, or a layoff. In these extreme times of stress we may be awakened to what we value. Instead of proceeding on automatic, we stop and take notice of what’s most important. This is an opportunity to reflect and adjust our lives and often a time of energy renewal.

“Sometimes the course of our lives depends on what we do or don’t do in a few seconds, a heartbeat, when we either seize the opportunity, or just miss it. Miss the moment and you may never get a chance again.” 
Aidan Chambers 

Have you ever been fired from a job only to have that be the BEST thing to happen to you? You sink or swim to the next possibility. The same happens with divorce or break ups. At the time you wonder how you’ll survive. But when you eventually do, you are grateful for the new opportunity. Once you lift your head above the pain, your eyes notice a fresh vista.

Ways to make use of Turning Points:

Look back on your life and learn from those events
Take careful stock when something shakes up your life
Keep an open mind to the possibilities
Map out a few alternatives
Try two or three
Celebrate your new direction

Embrace change and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , , ,

tools for growth: building confidence

February 5, 2014 by

Summer Fun

People remark, I’m not sure I can do it. How do I build confidence so I can approach my goals? Perhaps it’s easier to believe you don’t have the right stuff to accomplish something. You are different than other people. It’s easier for them. They can talk, step up, figure things out. You can’t. They aren’t afraid. You didn’t inherit those confident genes. Your family didn’t encourage you, or teach you, or serve as a model.

Is it possible this is all an excuse? Reasons not to try,  not push yourself? To stay stuck in a familiar but uncomfortable state? What does it take to believe in yourself?

Change and growth are possible. I know you’ve already experienced them. The next path may be long, it may be rocky, it may be harder than you thought. But it is possible. What is needed to take that step?

The vision of a better life can absolutely overpower the fear of taking a risk and changing. You may be miserable in your career. But rather than focus on that pain, how would it be to focus on the alternative…the life you desire? It’s like walking toward the light versus running from the dark. We need pain to get our attention, but the danger is getting stuck in that pain. Pain doesn’t necessarily propel us forward. Vision does.

If we make the vision manageable and attainable not a mountain to climb, it’s likely we’ll take a shot. So chunking the steps down into reasonable size makes us feel capable. Make the step just a little outside your reach so you think, hey I can do this. It’s like climbing or swimming. Conquer a small distance, look back, applaud, and look ahead again.

We all have something we’re good or even great at. We may not recognize it as our gift because it comes so easily. Robert, for example, can fix anything. He started taking things apart as a young boy. He had no fear and kept at it until he found the answer. Margaret, on the other hand, has a fantastic voice. She sings constantly as she goes through the day and has never had lessons.

By recognizing our gifts and talents, we can build a Mastery List. On it may go skills we’ve developed like public speaking, writing or tech savy or gifts we’ve inherited. Having a personal/professional Mastery List helps us in times of uncertainty. When we question our abilities to take on something new, a foundation of strengths and successes can bolster our confidence.

You’ve all heard “don’t rest on your laurels”. In order not to be stagnant we need to stay in motion. Try new things. Risk taking is a tool that leads us onto new paths. Feel the fear and keep going. Take a leap into the unknown, the uncomfortable. James had never been out of the country. He liked being familiar with his surroundings and speaking his own language. However, his boss asked James to accompany him on a business trip to Asia. The boss was showing confidence in James and requested his expertise.

James questioned his ability to function so far from home in a new culture. But he took a deep breath and decided to try something very much out of his comfort zone. The result was a bonus from his boss and a new project where James will share his skills with others. James is intrigued, honored, and excited with this new opportunity. And he found he loves the people and food of Thailand.

“You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.’ You must do the thing you think you cannot do.”

Eleanor Roosevelt

Building your confidence tool box:

     Create your Mastery List
     Applaud your gifts
     Design a vision tied to your interests/passions
     Take a calculated risk
     Chunk down your first step until it’s manageable

Keep your eyes ahead and see you on the path!

 

 

 

Filed Under: Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: ,

l hate my job: options when you feel trapped

November 21, 2013 by

Young women flying a rainbow kite

It’s one of the most difficult things to say and for another to hear: “I hate my job”. Perhaps hate is too strong a word, but you may feel close to it. We spend so much time at work we expect that we will like our job, at least some or most of it. We don’t take a job thinking we’ll hate it. We weigh the pros and cons and go in with the belief that this is what we’re looking for or need at the present time.

So what changes? Our work is so important, that we often take our self esteem and identity from our successes or failures. We exit a job changed, usually for the better but sometimes for the worse. The job we begin is rarely the job we leave. Much happens along the way.

What leads to lack of fit or even to hate in a job? A frequent reason for hating a job is feeling underappreciated. These days organizations are operating with less, resulting in existing staff having to take on larger workloads. The stress that comes from extreme workloads wears down employees. Workers desire appreciation from their bosses, a recognition of all they do under difficult circumstances. When that is missing or even replaced with criticism, harshness, and pressure, people turn inward and become hopeless.

If we are unhappy, why don’t we just find a new job? Some people feel trapped. The golden handcuffs of salary, health insurance or retirement benefits keep people tied to current jobs. They think they have to stay 5, 10, 15 more years or lose everything. Additionally, they don’t know where else to go or fear they won’t be hired again. Their confidence has been pounded down. Their job seeking skills are rusty and out of date.

David is someone wanting to change jobs, but lacking confidence. As a manager, he creates innovative programs, helps clients, and is loved by his staff. However, a new management sees David differently. Their measuring sticks emphasize widely distinct results. And David is being asked to change his formerly successful approach. He views this as a renunciation of his value.

Other reasons people become disillusioned with their jobs is they are bored. Their interests have changed. We aren’t necessarily meant to stay in the same role 10-30 years. Hopefully our work gives us opportunities to develop and take on different responsibilities during its life cycle.  But sometimes that isn’t possible or people fail to stretch themselves.

The trapped feeling results in resentment and anger. Even though change is possible and there is an exit, we fail to recognize it. How do we survive and thrive in uncomfortable situations? Recognizing your own worth and seeking feedback from a broad cross section of people are essential. We need to become our own cheerleaders and not depend upon our superiors to provide that. It’s nice when they do, but we can’t count on it.

Believing we have choices gives us freedom. There is always a choice. We choose to stay for various priorities, such as security. We can choose to leave for others, like autonomy. Repeating the mantra “I made this happen; I can create something better” is a tool for believing you can take action.

“Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out”  Michael Burke

Even making a small shift can benefit you.  It may be meeting more of your needs and interests outside of work. Boosting that part of your life allows joy and abundance to flow into your personal life. It may be taking a class, immersing yourself in a hobby, joining a club. We rarely fulfill all of our passions on the job.

Finally, focusing on what is working on the job promotes a positive outlook.  Perhaps there are co-workers you enjoy. Spend more time with them, find ways to work together on projects, and use each other for support. Invent ways to learn new skills. Make your workspace nurture you with objects that mean something special, like photos, pieces of nature, special colors. Don’t forget to get some movement and fresh air into your daily life. Take breaks. Dr. Andrew Weil says we are suffering from Nature Deficit Disorder. Take action during the daylight. Learn what healthy behaviors boost your mood and make a practice of them.

Believe you can do it. See you on a new path!

 

 

 

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

meeting expectations: living up to your dreams

October 21, 2013 by

En vol au dessus des nuages

Frequently people tell me they regret they haven’t done more in their lives. They reference the career goals they set in their 20’s and beyond and come up missing. They compare themselves to others who have done more, those who are in a whirl of activity and are well known. In a way it feels like junior high school: comparisons with the popular kids, the In crowd.

Where do these expectations come from? How do they pop into our heads? It doesn’t take long to hold our families and teachers responsible for instilling early expectations. Maybe you had helicopter parents or instead ones who encouraged you to follow your own interests. We needed our parents and educators to introduce us to varied sports, skills, activities, ideas and then we grabbed the flag and took off in various directions. How did you imagine your future when you were 10, 15, 20? What were you headed for then? Some of us are in the ball park and others far afield. I never became that veterinarian or U.N. translator.

As we picked and chose among various interests, we learned what we were good at, what came naturally, and what intrigued us. Sometimes we tended to follow what our friends were doing. It felt good to be part of the pack. Sometimes we were the leader who showed others how it was done. Other times we marched alone to our own music.

After a while we settled on a career and built our lives around it. But soon that comparing comes up again, whether we are the employee or the boss. We tend to feel we can always do more and wonder how others seem to do it all. Perhaps we live with a vague disappointment in ourselves, a disappointment which impacts our hope and energy.

 As we age, our dreams change slightly or in a huge way. In addition to our paid work, our priorities grow to include family, friends, interests, and community. Our lives become more complex with competing demands.We wonder where we want to turn next. We may care about money, fame, leadership, creativity, significance, or being a pioneer. Again, are our criteria internally or externally driven? How do you recognize the factors that define your success?

What I have learned is that our priorities are driven by changing responsibilities. Consider your primary responsibility now. What was it 10 years ago? What will it be in another 10? Before and after children are launched, education achieved, and financial stability gained, we may focus primarily on our own satisfaction: what will light us up? If we are spending the majority of our waking hours at work, how do we want that experience to be?

Losing touch with dreams results in a vague confusion. Many people state they don’t know what they want. They have spent so much time doing what they “should”, they don’t know how to check in with themselves. That’s a time when we are vulnerable to comparisons. We look at others who seem on track and think that’s what we want to do or where we want to be. The danger is that we pick a direction or value that doesn’t fit and we end up dissatisfied.

That is where the difference between role models and people we envy is helpful. Role models serve as inspirations for purpose and mastery. Think about who in your community you admire. What is it about them that resonates with you? My grandfather comes to mind. He worked until he was about 85 and also created beauty by gardening in his backyard. And he always made time to do things with me. He had a balanced and well-lived life that kept him active and smiling.

“When you stop comparing what is right here and now with what you wish were, you can begin to enjoy what is”, Cheri Huber

If we are clear about what we value, we are less drawn to compare with others. Instead we ask, “am I living the life I choose?” As I navigate my encore career, I am mindful of hundreds of opportunities floating by my eyes like clouds. They change daily, monthly, yearly and present me with choices of how I want to be involved. I can reach up and grab any of those clouds and try them out, discard what doesn’t work, and keep what does.

Instead of comparing yourself to others:

Contemplate how satisfied you are
Appreciate your growth
Take note of your wins
Embrace your contributions
Remember your lessons learned
Be grateful for today
Make a plan that includes all that makes you come alive

Happy travels and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

value added to your life: turn it upside down

June 20, 2013 by

Woman Hiking toward Cathedral Rock (Sedona, Arizona)

What is your philosophy of life? Have you developed one? Have you paused long enough to recognize your life lessons so far?

Recently while hiking in the red rocks of Sedona, I met a philosopher from China. He would call himself a cook, but he shared his life lessons along the trail. Joe worked extremely hard for over 20 years and now is touring the U.S. at his own pace. If you ask Joe “what are you doing tomorrow?”, he’d say “I don’t know yet”.

Instead he does what he feels like when he wakes every morning. If it means spending 3 hours patiently waiting for a butterfly to land near his camera or driving across the desert without stopping, Joe uses his intuition and interests to point the way.

Now if you think Joe must be retired, you’re wrong. Joe is 48. Earlier in his life he had different priorities: raising a family, making money to buy a house, helping his parents, becoming an entrepreneur. While family is still important to Joe, working long and hard is not.

When you scan back over your life, what emerges as your priorities? Do you notice you were more involved in certain roles, responsibilities, or activities at particular stages? Can you see that your life has ebbed and flowed according to the choices and circumstances present? Perhaps your calling wasn’t always expressed through your career. And that was ok.

I have another friend Caroline who is also in her 40’s. She works when she needs to and goes for long stretches of time when she lives off that money and does volunteer work. To Caroline her volunteer work is her passion and her work is to pay the bills.

What strikes you about Caroline and Joe? What role does work play in your life currently? How does your work meet your needs? The old model of working 40+ hours per week for 5 or more days during 45+ years of life is changing. People are moving in and out of work.

Instead of taking a break at the end of a long career, people are taking sabbaticals after 10 years or less. They are learning to live more simply, saving wisely, and not becoming captive to possessions. Even the old adage of home ownership as the American dream is changing. Many of us don’t want the responsibility or expense of home ownership.

What are you a servant to? What would you like to throw off or away? Joe and Caroline value their opportunities to chart an independent course toward their happiness. Neither are tied to a clock or a timeline. They certainly are in flow much more than most of us.

What if you took a leap like Caroline or Joe and tried something new? What do you have to lose? What could happen with this new sense of direction? How did Joe and Caroline break out of their traditional work schedules?

Something greater called them. At first it wasn’t clear what part of their lives needed changing, but they knew something needed to be different. They worked at figuring out the missing pieces by trying on interests gradually. Maybe that calling was percolating from long ago…an interest in adventure, a passion to help others. They fueled those interests and their creativity grew.

Caroline and Joe were rewarded for their efforts. They heard a “yes, this is what I want”. Some people find a way to follow their bliss part time on the side. Some do it for huge chunks at a time. There is no formula for everyone. Only trial and error and a willingness to take a risk.

Ready to dip a toe in?

Make a list of your interests and values
Draw lines out from each, developing the possibilities
Pick one and go investigate
Ask yourself if you want to know more
Follow your answer
Get in action

Enjoy the ride and see you on the path!

 

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: ,
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