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authentic life or imax: careers in flow

August 2, 2017 by

A few weeks ago I visited Niagara Falls for the first time. I had always imagined it was an old fashioned, hokey honeymoon place. For that’s what people did in my parents’ era, take a trip there. I hadn’t rushed to follow.

But what I found was a gorgeous force of nature that pulled me in with its mist, pounding water and wonder. There were families from all over the world taking photos, enjoying the majesty of the falls. It was a group celebration.

On the Hornblower boat the Captain drove us up to the edge of the falls. Young and old were in amazement. I hadn’t felt that kind of excitement in a long time. I remarked, “This is like an Imax movie”. But it wasn’t, it was real. We were totally immersed in this natural spectacle. It felt somewhat spiritual and electric.

This experience made me think about times when we are pretending versus times when it’s the real deal. I remember seeing people at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas paddling pretend gondolas and thinking, this is nothing like Venice. No smells, no Italian language, no damp air, no atmosphere. Much of our entertainment in the U.S., at least, is an amusement park. As little kids we beg to go on rides and be amused. Even more with video games, we act virtually without real people or challenges.

What are we missing when we pretend through life? Using reality shows, movies, tv, sports and books we plunge ourselves in strangers’ lives. Is it easier to be an observer than live a genuine life? Or is this one form of learning? Absent consistent role models. More often through technology we seem to be distancing ourselves from relationships.

In your career how are you expressing your authentic self, your bona fide interests? Is your work meeting your needs for purpose and value or is your main benefit the paycheck? Gina is right out of college and snagged her ideal job. Since high school she has been part of a movement. She’s worked as a volunteer for five plus years and her enthusiasm has paid off with this position. Not only is she advocating for a cause she believes in, Gina is growing her professional skills in organization, public speaking and interpersonal relations. She’s on cloud nine.

Brad is not so fortunate. He began his career 20 years ago with hope and excitement. However, his workplace’s bureaucracy has stifled Brad’s creativity. Over the years his efforts to make changes have been met with rejection and his client contacts are feeling repetitive. Brad is not being fulfilled and the stress is effecting him physically and psychically. He pretends to the outside world that all is well, but inside he knows he must change something.

What can you do to more accurately convey your authentic self? One is to take a temperature reading of what is going well and what is going poorly. Does your work matter to you and to the world? As we age, making a contribution is more important than material possessions.

“There is nothing more beautiful than seeing a person being themselves. Imagine going through your day being unapologetically you”
Steve Maraboli

What is unique about you? What special gifts and interests do you love to express? How can the world or even one person benefit from you? What do you like to learn? What is a day well spent? It seems that contribution versus consumerism allows us to give back and add to the world around us. I’m reminded of Al Gore who suffered a disappointment in winning the job of his dreams. But he returned to an old interest and has established a community working on improving the environment.

Do an authentic check up:

Am I using my talents and interests?
Is this the real me showing up?
Where would I rather be?
Can I stay or is it time to go?

Sail on and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

heading west: finding your lifestyle

October 27, 2016 by

Ever traveled outside your familiar surroundings and were amazed by the differences? Usually I notice that when overseas, but last month I visited a unique area in New Mexico. Compared to Washington DC, I was immersed into a distinct flora, climate, energy and lifestyle.

I notice that I display a different temperament  depending on my settings. Some thrill me, while others are a turn off. Where we grow up is out of our control. But later many of us migrate for school, work opportunities or relationships. We may not prioritize our surroundings ahead of work and love. And yet I believe we discover a compelling fit in certain environments versus others.

I always thought my ideal environment included water, sun, warmth and palm trees. While in New Mexico, there were gorgeous, huge, blue skies with sun, clouds and warmth. Not big bodies of water. Instead there were mountains, sagebrush and various browns and greens. The air was dry and invigorating.

But what also struck me were the people. On vacation you have time to talk with people and in Taos especially, residents wanted to talk with us. We had the pleasure of learning people’s stories and journeys. Other than Native Americans, everyone was from somewhere else. And it appeared they deliberately chose this destination.

As we age many of us move. We move to be closer to family. We move to warmer, less expensive areas. We might still move for work. But perhaps we consider what the location has to offer more than earlier in our lives. We create criteria that is vital to us.

Just as we learn more about which careers fit us best, with experience we know what type of home we prefer. Congestion or open spaces, warm or cold, U.S. or foreign, high or low. What comes with these varied areas are unique people. People who behave differently due to their environment, priorities, values, way of life.

In New Mexico we met people who have chosen this community for the lifestyle, the people, the possibilities. They had moved from the East, South and Midwest to this very distinct country. Some were almost pioneers to a new land. Initially living without electricity and water, they started businesses and became artists. They felt inspired by the culture, nature and beauty.

If you had your choice, where would you prefer to live? What kind of community would you seek out? What’s missing where you are? What has impacted you when traveling? Where are you at your best? What feels like home?

“(Neighbor is) not he whom I find in my path, but rather he in whose path I place myself, he whom I approach and actively seek”

Gustavo Gutierrez

Margaret is working in New York City. She has the job of her dreams, although it is very stressful. She grew up in Colorado, but found more job opportunities in the East. While she lacks much free time, Margaret misses the outdoor sports that were important to her growing up. She wonders if being active in nature on the weekends might alleviate her stress. But instead she stays inside most of the time and brings work home.

When will lifestyle outweigh livelihood for Margaret? When will it for you? Some people don’t wait for retirement in order to live closer to their ideal environment. People, pace and nature call you to change your current way of life. The support and camaraderie of communities which inspire your creativity and hopefulness go a long way toward raising your wellbeing. Salary and title may become less important as you mature. Finding the fit in life involves much more than work.

Find your place:

List your favorite places on Earth
Detail what about them call you
Find the commonalities
Make a plan to include these factors now
Ask what is possible

Get on the road and let’s meet on the path!

Filed Under: Life Design, Self Knowledge, Wellbeing Tagged With: , , , ,

meeting expectations: living up to your dreams

October 21, 2013 by

En vol au dessus des nuages

Frequently people tell me they regret they haven’t done more in their lives. They reference the career goals they set in their 20’s and beyond and come up missing. They compare themselves to others who have done more, those who are in a whirl of activity and are well known. In a way it feels like junior high school: comparisons with the popular kids, the In crowd.

Where do these expectations come from? How do they pop into our heads? It doesn’t take long to hold our families and teachers responsible for instilling early expectations. Maybe you had helicopter parents or instead ones who encouraged you to follow your own interests. We needed our parents and educators to introduce us to varied sports, skills, activities, ideas and then we grabbed the flag and took off in various directions. How did you imagine your future when you were 10, 15, 20? What were you headed for then? Some of us are in the ball park and others far afield. I never became that veterinarian or U.N. translator.

As we picked and chose among various interests, we learned what we were good at, what came naturally, and what intrigued us. Sometimes we tended to follow what our friends were doing. It felt good to be part of the pack. Sometimes we were the leader who showed others how it was done. Other times we marched alone to our own music.

After a while we settled on a career and built our lives around it. But soon that comparing comes up again, whether we are the employee or the boss. We tend to feel we can always do more and wonder how others seem to do it all. Perhaps we live with a vague disappointment in ourselves, a disappointment which impacts our hope and energy.

 As we age, our dreams change slightly or in a huge way. In addition to our paid work, our priorities grow to include family, friends, interests, and community. Our lives become more complex with competing demands.We wonder where we want to turn next. We may care about money, fame, leadership, creativity, significance, or being a pioneer. Again, are our criteria internally or externally driven? How do you recognize the factors that define your success?

What I have learned is that our priorities are driven by changing responsibilities. Consider your primary responsibility now. What was it 10 years ago? What will it be in another 10? Before and after children are launched, education achieved, and financial stability gained, we may focus primarily on our own satisfaction: what will light us up? If we are spending the majority of our waking hours at work, how do we want that experience to be?

Losing touch with dreams results in a vague confusion. Many people state they don’t know what they want. They have spent so much time doing what they “should”, they don’t know how to check in with themselves. That’s a time when we are vulnerable to comparisons. We look at others who seem on track and think that’s what we want to do or where we want to be. The danger is that we pick a direction or value that doesn’t fit and we end up dissatisfied.

That is where the difference between role models and people we envy is helpful. Role models serve as inspirations for purpose and mastery. Think about who in your community you admire. What is it about them that resonates with you? My grandfather comes to mind. He worked until he was about 85 and also created beauty by gardening in his backyard. And he always made time to do things with me. He had a balanced and well-lived life that kept him active and smiling.

“When you stop comparing what is right here and now with what you wish were, you can begin to enjoy what is”, Cheri Huber

If we are clear about what we value, we are less drawn to compare with others. Instead we ask, “am I living the life I choose?” As I navigate my encore career, I am mindful of hundreds of opportunities floating by my eyes like clouds. They change daily, monthly, yearly and present me with choices of how I want to be involved. I can reach up and grab any of those clouds and try them out, discard what doesn’t work, and keep what does.

Instead of comparing yourself to others:

Contemplate how satisfied you are
Appreciate your growth
Take note of your wins
Embrace your contributions
Remember your lessons learned
Be grateful for today
Make a plan that includes all that makes you come alive

Happy travels and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,

staying true to who you are: your personality at work

May 19, 2013 by

 

Business group

Think of times when your work fit like a glove. Those times may have come in minutes, hours, or months. It was a time when you were in flow, feeling confident and competent. Now think about specific jobs where you awoke excited to arrive at work. Those times when you were intrigued by the possibilities waiting for you. Those times when you contributed to creating something special, be it a product or a service. And your colleagues became like family as you supported and cheered each other’s efforts.

On the other hand, there were those other jobs when the fit was not so comfortable. We’ve all had them. Something is off.  You are not doing your best. Your spirit is absent. You don’t feel like you are making a contribution. What led to these contrasting experiences?

Personality or temperament is often something we pay little attention to as we age. Our personalities seem fixed with little wiggle room. We may believe that we grow out of those various patterns we displayed as youngsters. Maybe we were called shy or a class clown or we loved to be in charge or we stayed in the background.

Back then people might have recommended we become different: be more of this or less of that. “Vivian is a smart girl, but she doesn’t speak up in class”. “Jack is too talkative and can’t sit still. He needs to calm down”. We weren’t accepted unconditionally for our personalities. We were instructed to change in order to become successful in life and work. What happened to those traits that we displayed early on? Do you still have them or are they covered over by a new facade?

Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain is currently receiving a great deal of buzz. According to Cain, one third to one half of people are introverts. But the American work world is especially constructed for extroverts and reveres them. So if you are an introvert, you may feel a lack of fit or success with your career.

Even obtaining a job can be difficult for an introvert. For example, often employment interviews are held with a group of applicants being questioned together. Or there may be a panel of interviewers with one applicant.

Introverts prefer one on one or small groups of people they know. They tend not to speak up forcefully or promote themselves. The danger in a group interview is that an introvert will hang back and become lost in the process. In panel interviews they might become overstimulated and distracted  by several interviewers and lack space to contemplate their responses.

Another trend in work environments is turning private offices into large open work spaces. Employees are encouraged to work in teams and bounce ideas off one another in a sometimes noisy free for all. But introverts prefer quiet and time alone to recharge and deliberate their solutions. An open office environment can squash their creative process.

Reviewing your work history, how well did your jobs fit your temperament? Could it be that an uncomfortable employment situation was highly impacted by a working environment that clashed with your style? Do you think you ever blew a job interview because you were unable to truly share who you are?

According to Cain, “Our lives are shaped as profoundly by personality as by gender or race”. So being aware if you are an extrovert or an introvert is the first step to making good choices for yourself. If you aren’t sure where you fall, you can take assessments like the Myers Briggs or free tests online.

Where you are on the extrovert/introvert continuum has nothing to do with your intelligence or capability. It is only a way of operating in the world. Since an extrovert temperament is admired and rewarded, introverts may feel “less than” and try to become someone they are not.

An occasional stretch outside your comfort zone in order to accomplish goals is different from behaving as a fraud. Not being true to your authentic self is exhausting and ultimately harmful to your existence. Accepting who you are and placing yourself in situations that promote your strengths ensure a life well lived.

So what is a person to do?:

Determine where you fall on the introvert/extrovert continuum
Identify the strengths that come with your temperament
Decide which environments nurture you
Find ways to spend sufficient time in those environments
Ask if your current work fits you well enough so that you can be productive
Choose where you want to stretch and make changes as needed to get a better fit

Be yourself and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions Tagged With: ,