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it can’t get any worse, can it?

September 27, 2017 by

This month I was hiking in the California wilderness with a very rudimentary map. The trail did not seem to match the description given by the park ranger. Much younger people were breezing by me as they climbed the mountainous path. No one was coming back as this was a circle trail. Thus, no local information, no reassurance, no help. I could gauge my distance and estimate if I had enough daylight to make it to the end. But, there were dark rain clouds overhead. What to do?

Adventures in life have beginnings, middles and endings. You start accumulating these experiences early on. If you are fortunate at a young age, you have wiser people around who can help you with the challenges. As you age, you may be less willing to reach out for that help, but could still use it.

The majority of your personal growth occurs in two arenas. Freud said love and work are the two biggies in our lives. As you think back over your life, where are your greatest turmoils and resulting lessons located? I would suspect it’s your relationship and work experiences that most impact who you become. Play can also be a contributor to the development of your unique talents and interests.

“Love and work, work and love, that’s all there is”
Sigmund Freud

So I continued a gradual climb over the rocky, tree rooted trail. Enjoying the blue sky, clear air and gorgeous vegetation. I was at 8500 feet, but the air was sufficient for the task ahead. After a few hours, my enjoyment and the novelty switched to worries of how much farther to the destination and would it get more difficult and storm?

You often want to believe that the worst is behind you and you have clear sailing ahead. My companions and I entertained the idea of turning back. We knew that path and were positive that it would be downhill in that direction. But we had come more than half way.  What if we missed something glorious ahead? No one else had turned around. How difficult could it be?

These turning points in life occur on many different paths. Barbara is wondering whether she should leave her marriage. The children are launched and she feels a lack of camaraderie with her husband. Would a change be better or worse?

Mitchell thinks about changing his job and even starting over in a new career. He yearns to learn new things and to make a difference. His current work has grown stale and unimportant.

How do you choose? What process do you take in your decision making? In my dilemma I discussed it over with my fellow hikers. We all felt strong enough to walk the final miles. We expressed a curiosity about possible new vistas ahead and we wanted to test ourselves. How is this similar or different when the arena is not play, but work or love?

Barbara starts talking with friends and family about her marital dissatisfaction. She enters therapy to clarify her thinking and feelings. She prepares for communications with her husband and ultimately suggests couple therapy. Barbara is determining what her options are before she makes a final decision.

Mitchell likewise consults with friends and family regarding his work discomfort. He identifies areas for change and enlists his supervisor and co-workers in a plan. He decides to take some classes and finds a volunteer position that meets some needs.

Both reach outside and inside to get support, identify a vision and take small steps. My hike ended well. We were tired, satisfied and awed by the beauty in the forest. And the storm stayed away. Next time we will be familiar with this trail and can choose it again or pick a new one. The lesson was: it may get worse, but you can handle it.

What challenge lies ahead for you?

Pick a question to take on
Determine the resources needed
Ask for input
Create a plan
Take action and review results

Smooth sailing ahead and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , , , ,

el camino: finding your way

June 29, 2016 by

In June I experienced the pleasure of hiking the Camino de Santiago for two weeks. Pilgrims have followed various paths to Santiago de Compostela, Spain since the 9th Century.

A pilgrim is one who journeys to a place of special significance. This can be a physical location or a place within yourself. Many contemporary Camino pilgrims travel for religious, spiritual or adventure reasons. My Camino impetus was a mixture of motivations: celebrating my husband’s special birthday, experiencing new vistas and being active.

However what resulted were opportunities to think about my path, fulfill a dream and discover how other travelers approach life. My fellow pilgrims and guides were mid-lifers and beyond: we ranged from 40’s to 80’s.  We all possessed great life experiences, valuable relationships and accomplishments, but we were eager for more.

Being in nature provides a perfect spiritual backdrop for contemplation. And if that isn’t enough, entering each town’s sacred meeting place allowed for quiet and solitude. Creating a personalized “retreat” like this for growth and renewal is a gift everyone can use.

When and how do you take a break from the hustle of every day life? When do you think about where you are going, where you’ve been and what’s ahead? Who do you have these conversations with?

Often your talks with friends and family are around what you are doing vs who you are becoming. With strangers there is a freedom to be real. To cut through the details and get straight to what’s vital about your existence. Because you’re unlikely to see these people again, you can often have more honest exchanges. It reminds me of those conversations that occur with airplane seat mates…meeting someone and leaving changed.

Perhaps being away from home gives you permission to explore, be different, interrupt the status quo. This was a hike with a destination and a purpose. We lived completely in the present, but had room for reflection. A walking meditation works for some and for others a walk with thinking, sensing, or talking.

One special highlight of the Camino was receiving a pilgrim’s blessing on two separate occasions: one in a simple, rural church and one in the great Cathedral in Santiago. Here we were recognized, honored, supported. Walking the Camino was valuable and significant. We felt encouraged and included in a community that goes back hundreds of centuries.

“Traveler, there is no path
The path is made by walking

Traveler, the path is your tracks
And nothing more

Traveler, there is no path
The path is made by walking

By walking you make a path
And turning, you look back
At a way you will never tread again

Traveler, there is no road
Only wakes in the sea”

Antonio Machado

Closer to home, Mavis is uncomfortable. She thought she knew what she wanted to do with her life, but now is not sure. The things that at first interested her, no longer hold that attraction. What happened she wonders. How could that passion disappear? She feels lost, without a compass.

All of us have times in our lives when we are lost personally or professionally like Mavis. It could be after college, at midlife, at retirement, after a death or divorce. A bell rings signaling time to re-evaluate. It’s a tipping point. You have to change course and you don’t want to blow it. You want to get it right.

The truth is there is no “right”. Life isn’t a straight shot to the goal. It’s a series of meanders, where you head in the best imagined direction with the information you have. And then, when that no longer works, you pick up again on a new route.

One day in Madrid while in a curvy, medieval section of town with map in hand, I couldn’t find where I wanted to go. As usual the print was too small, the streets weren’t named and I was lost. But after the frustration, I instead focused on the beauty of the architecture, the joy of the people and the cloud formations above. Eventually the destination was found, but looking back I remember the journey as the best part.

Making your way:

Create your retreat experience
Leave it spontaneous or have intentions
Write down your findings
Start a thread of themes
Dare to glimpse ahead, stretch
Take one step

Buen Camino. Y a ti también.

Filed Under: Life Design, Self Knowledge, Wellbeing Tagged With: , , , ,

mudslide: unexpected obstacles that derail life/career plans

October 29, 2015 by

Have you ever had a plan that was interrupted by something outside your control? Often you do the work, keep the deadlines, get the information, use your skills and wham, something stops you in our tracks. “This isn’t fair”, you cry. “Why is this happening to me?” you ask. “I did everything right”.

Recently while vacationing in California, I had a family reunion scheduled. All was in place to arrive with time to spare and then, the unexpected occurred. A mudslide closed the road I was traveling. Now I don’t live in a place that has mudslides. This was a total shock after enjoying two weeks of dry, sunny California weather. But it happened and the resulting detour added 7 hours to the trip and caused me to miss the initial event.

Was I disappointed? Yes. Was I devastated? No. This was a minor loss with minimal cost in the scheme of life. I adjusted, did the extra work needed and recovered a partial victory.

All of us have far more serious challenges over our life span: personal illnesses, family loss, divorce, unemployment and financial ruin. Life seems to roll in waves with ups and downs. Good times and bad. Your career is one major part of life that can be rocky and confusing. Other areas are relationships, finances and health.

How you develop your skills to meet these challenges impact the results of the tough times. When you appreciate your good times, build resources for the bad ones and show up strong when you are knocked off base, you can lesson the negative repercussions of unwanted change.

Barry is sailing along in his favorite job of 8 years. He came in green, but has worked hard to advance his skills and professional relationships. Barry can see himself doing this work until retirement. He loves his co-workers and clients. He feels he’s making a difference in the lives of others.

One day, suddenly, the owner of Barry’s company dies. Being a family owned business, the son and daughter step in. Times are rocky due to this calamity. After a few months, the family decides to sell the business. The new owner makes significant changes putting his mark on operations.

Barry doesn’t recognize his company anymore. His position is re-designed and his supervisor is replaced. Barry is unhappy and thrown off kilter. His satisfaction disappears and he questions his future with the company.

Now Barry has choices. However, when your desired direction is taken from you, you feel angry and stuck. The faster you can “grieve” what was and begin problem solving next steps, the faster you can find a resolution. Barry can stay and cope or leave and seek a more appropriate fit. Sorting out the actions needed for “Plan A” vs “Plan B” involve brain storming, consultation, information gathering, and heart searching.

My resolution was simple. I had two other highways to choose. Or I could wait out the mudslide clean up. Career, health and relationship challenges are much more complex. The complexities in life test our ability to be flexible and creative.

“Even when you think you have your life all mapped out, things happen that shape your destiny in ways you might never have imagined”
Deepak Chopra

Rhonda is nearing her 20th year of work. In those 20 years she has blossomed from an intern to chief of a department. Rhonda loves mentoring others and continues to make clinical contributions. One day, out of the blue, Rhonda becomes ill and is diagnosed with cancer. She is blown away.

Rhonda can take a leave from her job and undergo treatment or continue to work as she is able and live out her time. Rhonda decides on treatment and creatively carves out a reduced work role for herself. One that keeps her engaged, helps her have meaning and is intriguing to her.

Surprises and change are part of life. Not much is predictable. You can appreciate what you have today, hone skills that allow you to adjust, be optimistic and land on your feet. You can face the unexpected with preparation. If you hesitate and fall, you can pick yourself up with humility and accept the future bravely.

Meeting the Unexpected:

Release your current plan
Grieve the change/loss
Gather options
Review possibilities
Take action and engage

Be aware and meet you on the Path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design Tagged With: , ,

readiness for retirement: your time to plan

February 7, 2015 by

When is the right time to start planning for retirement? There are people in their 40’s who say “I’m too young to think about that” or people in their 30’s who already have a vision of the various career chapters they want to pursue until their last breath.

What actually is retirement? Why do some people love “retirement” and others feel they should have never retired? Let’s be clear. The term retirement is outdated and unrepresentative. We lack consensus on a more accurate term, but some suggestions are: Act II, Renewment, Encore, My Time, Refirement, and Next Chapter.

Historically most people retired at 65 when eligible for Social Security and Medicare benefits. Often they no longer worked for pay. Today the average age of retirement from a main career is 62 and most retirees are wanting or having to find new paid work. So retirement is not a disengagement from work, but a transition to a new way of living.

Work in retirement will become increasingly commonplace. Seventy-two percent of pre-retirees over 50 say their ideal retirement will include working. Nearly 58% of working retirees transition to a different line of work and they are 3 times as likely to start their own business than younger people. This encore work is fast becoming the fourth leg of retirement financing along with Social Security, pensions, and savings.

Due to medical advances we have gained 30 years of life expectancy in the 20th century. In 1900 Americans lived to an average age of 47. Today it is 79 and rising. A 60 year old today has a life expectancy of 81.6 years. So at 65 you may have 20+ years to use as you wish. Working on your own terms for pay or love may be part of that life. Options include: bridge jobs, part time work, contracting, entrepreneurship, volunteer/civic engagement opportunities, phased retirement, consulting, job sharing, temporary work, seasonal, or encore careers.

Comparing your current with desired life style (how you live) and your livelihood (how you work) allows you to design a life portfolio that meets your vision of the future. In fact people will plan multiple retirements or transitions as they create new opportunities for themselves.

Mark is a real estate agent who is 60. While he loves working with new clients and helping them find their dream homes, Mark has begun thinking about other ways to contribute. After 30 years in his career, Mark is eager to try something new. Through talking with his wife and friends, reading, and taking courses, Mark is designing his next chapter and beyond. He is drawing a timeline with the steps needed to transition into becoming a self employed CPA. Mark figures he can work as much as he wants and needs, but also take time off in slow periods. He likes the idea of learning new skills, becoming more flexible, and continuing to help people.

You may have dreams of your own. What everyone shares is a drive to establish an authentic lifestyle along with determining what financials are needed to support it. The reasons people seek retirement are varied. Some leave work voluntarily and others are let go. Some run from an unsatisfying career and others exit to pursue a new passion. Taking an annual review of what’s going well and what’s missing in your life allows you to become aware of your values, interests, and goals. From that knowledge you can begin a thoughtful plan toward self directed change.

“We spend the first half of our lives learning what we love, we should find a way to do those things in the second”

David Whyte

It’s vital to replace the perks of our current career: the friendships, roles, purpose, money, creativity, stimulation, identity and structure. A full life includes relationships, engagement, health, giving back, activity, learning, and passions.

Initial Action Steps:

Create and implement a financial plan that reflects your vision and values
Take action to improve your diet, exercise, sleep and stress reduction
Ask yourself whether your work is fulfilling. If not, brainstorm ways to change it
Evaluate your relationships, leisure time, and happiness. What actions will you take?

Rewire and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design Tagged With: , , ,

career exit strategies: letting go to move ahead, part 1

October 31, 2014 by

Doors

When negatives outweigh the positives in your career, you think about moving on. But what is involved? When you were younger you changed jobs, relationships, and housing frequently. But as you age, transitions become more complicated. Perhaps your decisions impact your family’s work or schooling, or you have greater financial responsibilities that depend on your earnings, or your identity is tied to this job.

Often you feel trapped, but don’t take action either to fix where you are or to move on. So you stay in pain and complain. This pain influences your mental and physical health, your relationships, and your hope. You have choices. They may not be your ideal dream, but there are always choices.

In order to creatively construct solutions for your career distress it’s necessary to be in top shape. Exercise, adequate sleep, socialization, and stress reduction are important. When you aren’t at your best, you become vulnerable to making poor choices and being adversely impacted by tensions around you.

If you work in a demanding environment, it’s almost as if you need to wear protective armor. This armor can consist of your confidence and focus. Holding a clear idea of your values and goals allows you to sort through interferences. Giving yourself the space and cushion to be mindful of your needs and mission allows you to be proactive in meeting them. Every workplace has some stress, dysfunction, and parts we dislike, but you have the power to minimize the hassles you absorb.

Allison Rimm, author of “The Joy of Strategy-A Business Plan for Life” uses the concept of the Joy to Hassle Ratio.  She has her clients measure where they stand on any day. If the hassles are overpowering your joy, it’s time to take action.

“If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today? And whenever the answer has been ‘no’ for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something”

Steve Jobs

That “something” represents a continuum of change ranging from keeping the status quo to finding another job. The vision of walking out the door comes to us when we are fed up. It happens in relationships and work, but impulsively walking out is not recommended. You may ultimately decide to leave, but there are intermediate steps to take before you act.

Amy is in her late 40’s and has practiced the same profession for 20 years. She has worked in different settings and is on an upward career path toward success. But while Amy is excellent at her job and is achieving success by society’s standards, Amy is no longer satisfied with her vocation.

But what can Amy do? Perhaps she can take efforts to create more of what she wants at work. Or if Amy knows she wants something different, she can begin a search and establish networks in that field. She can also prepare herself for a new field through training and volunteering. All of that can be done while still working, but it takes stamina. That’s where personal wellness promotion is vital.

In order to take on new learning and community building, you have to make room in your life. Too many people pile on goals and fail. Unless you let go of some things on your plate, you won’t have the space and energy for anything new. Determining what you can let go of and taking action are essential to success in any new endeavor.

“You have to decide what your highest priorities are and have the courage, pleasantly, smilingly, non-apologetically, to say no to the other things. And the way to do that is by having a bigger ‘yes’ burning inside”

Stephen Covey

If Amy doesn’t know what she wants to do, there are more answers to discover. She can begin an inner journey alone, or with a professional guide, or with trusted friends and colleagues. By getting curious about who she is now…20 years into a career…Amy can analyze the lessons learned about herself.

These are the questions to ask: When are you at your best on the job? What lights you up? What gets you in flow? What do you care about? If you could change something in the world, what issue would you seek out?

Next month we’ll look at what to do with the information you are amassing and what next steps are possible.

When you have one foot out the door:

Test your joy to hassle ratio
Ask yourself some hard questions
Dream about what is missing
Learn from your experiences to date
Determine what information you need

Happy journey and see you on the path!

Filed Under: Career Transitions Tagged With: , , ,

being in the moment: ways to calm your mind

August 29, 2014 by

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How often do you think about several things at once? Do you count yourself among those who spend time worrying? Is it worse at work or at home? Perhaps you hear bad news about someone you care about; your to-do list is calling; or you feel life is out of control. How many hours, days, weeks have you spent worrying? It is possible to change this habit in order to experience more joy and calm.

Last week I heard author/educator Genie Z. Laborde, Ph.D, speak about presence. We are aware of the value of meditation and the practice of being in the present moment, but often we’re too busy to stop and practice it.

We end up substituting the habit of juggling a hundred thoughts, tasks, and responsibilities for something soothing and healing. Why wouldn’t we choose to experience a state that comforts us? Why live in discomfort?

We fool ourselves into thinking that we don’t have a choice. We say, no one understands the pressures we’re under. No one is inside our heads, nor would they want to be there…we don’t even want to be there.

Last week I made an effort to breathe deeply and clear my mind for the purpose of the workshop exercise. This is what I encourage my clients to do. I believe in it and I’ve seen it work.

“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”

Amit Ray

Dr. Laborde said being in the now, which she equates with being in the right brain, erases fear. Employing all of our senses to be solidly in the present also increases our creative capacity. We are able to discover more innovative solutions when we are focused.

People find that activities like producing art, gardening, or building something enable you to be in a meditative-like state. You are engaged in one activity. Nothing else interferes. I use knitting and beading as a way to get out of my head, which serves as a stress reducing tool. What is your tool?

Another way to practice presence is while walking. You’ve heard of walking meditations, possibly for those who can’t sit still or as another option for “sitting”. I formerly used walking as a way to work out problems. Thinking hard about everything. But these days my mind is blank as I walk. Am I wasting time? No, I feel refreshed, body and mind.

The tool of being present can be used at work and home. Working parents are often dealing with competing priorities and worries. Kate is a mother of two school aged children. While raising them is a full time job, Kate also works part time outside the home. Her volume of responsibilities is a challenge, but Kate is committed to pursuing her career. She makes an effort to be truly present at work and pushes aside her thoughts about home. Likewise when she is home, Kate strives to leave her work thoughts at work.

The concept that multi-tasking is an advantageous skill has been refuted. We tend to admire supermen and women who do so much, often simultaneously. However, numerous studies find that multi-tasking leads to ineffectiveness. The brain does better holding one thought at a time.

The practice of mindfulness or noticing the present moment without judgment can lessen worrying and promote physical and mental health. It can become a tool to deal with the stresses of life. The more you “practice” it, the easier it becomes. It’s a habit that costs nothing and can be done anywhere for any length of time. In meetings, at your desk, during lunch. No one has to know what you are doing.

Mindfulness primes you for being present in your daily life. Associating your breath with coming back to the now reminds you to give full attention. For example, giving your undivided attention in conversations reaps huge benefits with co-workers, clients, bosses, and family. People crave being heard and can sense when you aren’t fully there.

Resources to practice mindfulness are abundant. Here is one place to begin:

http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/mindfulness.htm 

“Mindfulness is simply being aware of what is happening right now without wishing it were different; enjoying the pleasant without holding on when it changes (which it will); being with the unpleasant without fearing it will always be this way (which it won’t).”

James Baraz

Ways to begin right now:

Commit to pause and ask “Am I Here?”
Start a meditation practice
Practice giving your full attention at work and home
Rest in the calm of now
Pause, take a breath, then again

Smooth sailing and see you on the path!

 

 

 

Filed Under: Life Design, Wellbeing Tagged With: , ,

l hate my job: options when you feel trapped

November 21, 2013 by

Young women flying a rainbow kite

It’s one of the most difficult things to say and for another to hear: “I hate my job”. Perhaps hate is too strong a word, but you may feel close to it. We spend so much time at work we expect that we will like our job, at least some or most of it. We don’t take a job thinking we’ll hate it. We weigh the pros and cons and go in with the belief that this is what we’re looking for or need at the present time.

So what changes? Our work is so important, that we often take our self esteem and identity from our successes or failures. We exit a job changed, usually for the better but sometimes for the worse. The job we begin is rarely the job we leave. Much happens along the way.

What leads to lack of fit or even to hate in a job? A frequent reason for hating a job is feeling underappreciated. These days organizations are operating with less, resulting in existing staff having to take on larger workloads. The stress that comes from extreme workloads wears down employees. Workers desire appreciation from their bosses, a recognition of all they do under difficult circumstances. When that is missing or even replaced with criticism, harshness, and pressure, people turn inward and become hopeless.

If we are unhappy, why don’t we just find a new job? Some people feel trapped. The golden handcuffs of salary, health insurance or retirement benefits keep people tied to current jobs. They think they have to stay 5, 10, 15 more years or lose everything. Additionally, they don’t know where else to go or fear they won’t be hired again. Their confidence has been pounded down. Their job seeking skills are rusty and out of date.

David is someone wanting to change jobs, but lacking confidence. As a manager, he creates innovative programs, helps clients, and is loved by his staff. However, a new management sees David differently. Their measuring sticks emphasize widely distinct results. And David is being asked to change his formerly successful approach. He views this as a renunciation of his value.

Other reasons people become disillusioned with their jobs is they are bored. Their interests have changed. We aren’t necessarily meant to stay in the same role 10-30 years. Hopefully our work gives us opportunities to develop and take on different responsibilities during its life cycle.  But sometimes that isn’t possible or people fail to stretch themselves.

The trapped feeling results in resentment and anger. Even though change is possible and there is an exit, we fail to recognize it. How do we survive and thrive in uncomfortable situations? Recognizing your own worth and seeking feedback from a broad cross section of people are essential. We need to become our own cheerleaders and not depend upon our superiors to provide that. It’s nice when they do, but we can’t count on it.

Believing we have choices gives us freedom. There is always a choice. We choose to stay for various priorities, such as security. We can choose to leave for others, like autonomy. Repeating the mantra “I made this happen; I can create something better” is a tool for believing you can take action.

“Good instincts usually tell you what to do long before your head has figured it out”  Michael Burke

Even making a small shift can benefit you.  It may be meeting more of your needs and interests outside of work. Boosting that part of your life allows joy and abundance to flow into your personal life. It may be taking a class, immersing yourself in a hobby, joining a club. We rarely fulfill all of our passions on the job.

Finally, focusing on what is working on the job promotes a positive outlook.  Perhaps there are co-workers you enjoy. Spend more time with them, find ways to work together on projects, and use each other for support. Invent ways to learn new skills. Make your workspace nurture you with objects that mean something special, like photos, pieces of nature, special colors. Don’t forget to get some movement and fresh air into your daily life. Take breaks. Dr. Andrew Weil says we are suffering from Nature Deficit Disorder. Take action during the daylight. Learn what healthy behaviors boost your mood and make a practice of them.

Believe you can do it. See you on a new path!

 

 

 

Filed Under: Career Transitions, Life Design, Self Knowledge Tagged With: , ,