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it can’t get any worse, can it?

This month I was hiking in the California wilderness with a very rudimentary map. The trail did not seem to match the description given by the park ranger. Much younger people were breezing by me as they climbed the mountainous path. No one was coming back as this was a circle trail. Thus, no local information, no reassurance, no help. I could gauge my distance and estimate if I had enough daylight to make it to the end. But, there were dark rain clouds overhead. What to do?

Adventures in life have beginnings, middles and endings. You start accumulating these experiences early on. If you are fortunate at a young age, you have wiser people around who can help you with the challenges. As you age, you may be less willing to reach out for that help, but could still use it.

The majority of your personal growth occurs in two arenas. Freud said love and work are the two biggies in our lives. As you think back over your life, where are your greatest turmoils and resulting lessons located? I would suspect it’s your relationship and work experiences that most impact who you become. Play can also be a contributor to the development of your unique talents and interests.

“Love and work, work and love, that’s all there is”
Sigmund Freud

So I continued a gradual climb over the rocky, tree rooted trail. Enjoying the blue sky, clear air and gorgeous vegetation. I was at 8500 feet, but the air was sufficient for the task ahead. After a few hours, my enjoyment and the novelty switched to worries of how much farther to the destination and would it get more difficult and storm?

You often want to believe that the worst is behind you and you have clear sailing ahead. My companions and I entertained the idea of turning back. We knew that path and were positive that it would be downhill in that direction. But we had come more than half way.  What if we missed something glorious ahead? No one else had turned around. How difficult could it be?

These turning points in life occur on many different paths. Barbara is wondering whether she should leave her marriage. The children are launched and she feels a lack of camaraderie with her husband. Would a change be better or worse?

Mitchell thinks about changing his job and even starting over in a new career. He yearns to learn new things and to make a difference. His current work has grown stale and unimportant.

How do you choose? What process do you take in your decision making? In my dilemma I discussed it over with my fellow hikers. We all felt strong enough to walk the final miles. We expressed a curiosity about possible new vistas ahead and we wanted to test ourselves. How is this similar or different when the arena is not play, but work or love?

Barbara starts talking with friends and family about her marital dissatisfaction. She enters therapy to clarify her thinking and feelings. She prepares for communications with her husband and ultimately suggests couple therapy. Barbara is determining what her options are before she makes a final decision.

Mitchell likewise consults with friends and family regarding his work discomfort. He identifies areas for change and enlists his supervisor and co-workers in a plan. He decides to take some classes and finds a volunteer position that meets some needs.

Both reach outside and inside to get support, identify a vision and take small steps. My hike ended well. We were tired, satisfied and awed by the beauty in the forest. And the storm stayed away. Next time we will be familiar with this trail and can choose it again or pick a new one. The lesson was: it may get worse, but you can handle it.

What challenge lies ahead for you?

Pick a question to take on
Determine the resources needed
Ask for input
Create a plan
Take action and review results

Smooth sailing ahead and see you on the path!

five year life plan: do you have one?

Sometimes I eat alone in restaurants. While there my options are to read a book, surf the internet or eavesdrop. Recently a conversation at the next table caught my attention. “Do you have a 5 year life plan?” the millennial man asked. “No, do you?” the millennial woman answered.

“It’s been at the top of my list for months,” he replied. “Where do you want to live?” asked the woman.  “I don’t know,”responded the man.

Given what I do, I was all in for this conversation. So much, that I wanted to move my chair closer and  share my perspective. But instead I’m writing about it. I was thrilled that people are really thinking about life plans and not surprised that they were confused. And I am aware that working on one’s life plan gets shoved aside by the other demands of one’s life.

When does focus on life planning come to the forefront? In a crisis, in an opportunity, when all is sailing along smoothly? At what stage of life is a plan important? Post graduation, pre-retirement, midlife? Do you have a life plan? When’s the last time you created one?

Many people tell me they can’t think five years ahead. What stops them? Is it fear? Lack of curiosity or lack of self awareness? Overwhelm, disempowerment? There’s no urgency to do heavy forecasting if life is working well for you. But if you are dissatisfied with parts of your life, i.e. job, relationships, health, growth, it’s a sign that some attention is needed now.

Belinda is 55 and wants to bolt from her 15 year job. She makes good money, has a corner office, staff report to her, her opinions are valued and she’s a leader in her profession. But…Belinda is bored, frustrated, antsy and confused. People would kill for her job, but it feels to Belinda that this job is killing her.

She wonders if it’s ok to feel this way when people her age are being let go. She’s heard it’s difficult to get a new job once you’re in your 50’s. The economy is shaky and Belinda still has a mortgage and aging parents. Plus she’d like to save more money for retirement.

Should Belinda tough it out for another 10 years or dare to dream? What if Belinda were 35, would her options look different? Has Belinda missed her chance for career satisfaction?

“Some things cannot be spoken or discovered until we have been stuck, incapacitated, blown off course for a while. Plain sailing is pleasant, but you are not going to explore many unknown realms that way”
David Whyte

If Belinda were to expand her definition of career lifespan and instead of retiring at 65 she imagined working to 75+, how would that change her vision?

People over 50 have many flexible options before them: self employment, part time/full time, seasonal, project based, volunteer and board work. And work isn’t the only area of life that calls for planning. It is vital to think about what you want in terms of your health, leisure, spirituality, family, wealth, home, community, legacy and relationships.

It’s likely that the millennial couple will have five or more major careers in their lives. Think about yourself. How many different kinds of careers have you had? I’m on my sixth. An attitude shift that working or contributing longer is the norm broadens your possibilities. We also know that making a contribution as you age is good for your health: physically, mentally, spiritually and socially.

One resource to help you design a five year plan is the Life Planning Network’s book: “Live Smart after 50”. Written by LPN professionals who are experts in diverse fields, this book can be valuable at any age. Whether you are 25 or 55, thoughtfully examining your life: where you are and where you want to be, guarantees a more authentic life.

“The greatest tragedy is to live out someone else’s life thinking it was your own”
David Whyte

Your five year plan:

Look back at your wins
Identify the themes
What’s calling you?
Dream up some possibilities
Investigate one or two
Define the initial steps and act

Full speed ahead and see you on the path!